The Masters of the Christmas
by LMXB
Summary: Lorne takes a novel approach to educating Ronon about Christmas that sparks a lively debate in the mess hall. A Christmas one shot.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters. No profit is made from this.

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Ronon strode over to where Lorne and Jennifer were sitting in the mess hall and growling threw a rectangular box down on the table.

"Hey Ronon." Lorne smiled, but when he saw Ronon's glare quickly sobered his expression and asked. "You didn't like it then?"

"Didn't like what?" Jennifer asked suspiciously.

"It was stupid. Didn't make sense. Why didn't they kill him?" Ronon said.

"Kill who?" Jennifer asked concerned.

"Yeah kill who?" Lorne asked, picking up the box and opening it to see if he had given Ronon the wrong one.

"Skeletor." Ronon replied, causing Jennifer to look confused and question.

"Skeletor?"

"Yeah as in He-Man and She-Ra." Ronon explained.

"I know who Skeletor is." Jennifer replied. "How do you know who he is and what was in the box?"

"He was in the film Lorne gave me." Ronon replied.

"Who was in what film?" John asked as he, McKay and Teyla approached the table.

"Skeletor." Ronon said, going through the conversation again.

"As in He-Man?" John asked.

"Yeah."

"What is He-Man?" Teyla questioned. "And who is Skeletor."

"He-Man is the protector of Eternia and Grayskull and the alter-ego of Prince Adam. When he draws his sword he gets the power of Grayskull, which he uses to fight off evil, like Skeletor." McKay surmised, with a condescending tone.

"Eternia?" Teyla asked.

"Planet possibly in the middle of the universe, possibly not. Depending if you are following the comic or the cartoon there may have been a great war destroying powerful civilisations, but leaving behind technology and magic used by the barbarians who are left." McKay explained.

"Like the Ancients leaving Atlantis?" Teyla followed up.

"No." McKay replied as John said.

"Exactly."

"Well maybe." Rodney conceded. "But more importantly who is letting Conan watch He-Man?"

"You don't like He-Man?" John asked.

"I like He-Man, I mean who wouldn't when there's Teela and the Sorceress in those really, really skimpy outfits."

"McKay you are drooling over a cartoon." John pointed out.

"A kids cartoon." Jennifer added.

"So? They were hot." McKay shrugged.

"If you are so fond of He-Man, why are you complaining about Ronon watching it?" Lorne asked.

"Because he might get inspired. I mean he already charges round like some barbarian, the last thing we need is him deciding he is a Master of the Universe and wearing nothing but a skimpy loin cloth."

"I think the doc might disagree with that one." Lorne smirked causing Jennifer to blush before kicking Lorne in the shin.

"Why were you watching He-Man?" John asked Ronon.

"Lorne told me to." Ronon shrugged.

"Why?" John questioned looking at the Major, who was still rubbing his shin.

"Ronon asked me what Christmas was about and I thought it would help." Lorne said.

"He-Man?" John questioned wondering if his second in command had finally cracked.

"And She-Ra, the Christmas special." Lorne went on. When Sheppard's expression didn't change he explained. "It's the one where they celebrate Christmas on Eternia and Skeletor succumbs to the Christmas spirit."

"It is good." Jennifer conceded. "I used to watch it every Christmas."

"Doc, if it had She-Ra in, it was rubbish." John stated.

"What's wrong with She-Ra?" Jennifer questioned.

"I don't think there is enough time left in the universe to cover that." John said.

"Who is She-Ra?" Teyla asked, although deep down she was not she wanted to know.

"Alter ego of Adora, who is the twin sister of Adam. Also the defender of Etheria." McKay said. "And yes both Adora and She-Ra had very appealing figures but let's face it she was no He-Man."

"That's because she was better." Jennifer argued. When both men scoffed at her she argued. "Adam was a whimp, Adora was leader."

"Adam had to hide his leadership skills to protect his family and friends." John countered.

"Then there were her friends." Lorne joined in. "I mean Bow, Frosta, Castaspella, Mermista, Glimmer. You can't possibly compare them to Man-At-Arms, Stratos, Buzz-Off."

"You know far to much about She-Ra's friends." John commented eying Lorne suspiciously.

"Battlecat was much better than that horse thing." McKay carried on, saving Lorne from further questioning.

"Horse thing?" Jennifer asked incredulously. "That was Swift Wind. And Swifty could fly, Battlecat couldn't. Not to mention the fact She-Ra could bring Swift Wind back from near death, He-Man didn't have that power."

"That we know of. Battlecat wasn't so stupid to get hit." McKay argued.

"She-Ra's sword was way cooler, it could become anything she wanted." Keller went on, beginning to feel out numbered.

"He-Man didn't need a clever sword." John said.

"Because he only fought Skeletor. She-Ra had to fight Hordak."

"So?" McKay asked.

"Hordak was more evil." Ronon said. His sudden intervention causing everyone to turn and look at him. As Jennifer smiled at the Satedan Rodney muttered.

"Man you're whipped."

"And that is based on?" John asked Ronon, wondering how his friend could be so misguided.

"Hordak remained focused on capturing the kids, he stole them from in front of their protectors and stopped Skeletor escaping. Skeletor let them go."

"And there we have it." Lorne said smugly.

"Have what?" John asked.

"The Christmas spirit." Lorne replied before turning more serious. "You see Ronon Skeletor is evil, but he was overcome by the meaning of Christmas, and for a moment he became good and saved the children.

"But he'll go back to being evil?" Ronon asked.

"Yes, until the next Christmas."

"Then why didn't He-Man and She-Ra kill him when they had the chance?"

"Because that would be against the Christmas spirit." Lorne explained.

"That's stupid."

"You watched a film where animals talk, villains have really weird bodies and two people have super human powers, but the bit you have problems with is they didn't kill Skeletor?" McKay asked.

"Yeah."

"I think everyone is missing the point." John stated.

"Thank you." Lorne said, but then John flashed a smile at the Major, filling Lorne with dread.

"I think the important question." John started. "Is why does Lorne have a She-Ra DVD?"

"It is He-Man and She-Ra." Lorne replied emphasising the name 'He-Man'. "And my sister sent it to me."

"Blaming your sister?" John asked shaking his head. "That's low. I mean really low, like McKay low. And so not in the Christmas spirit."

"Kinda like that insult." Lorne countered causing Rodney to exclaim.

"Hey."

"Just to clarify Ronon asked about Christmas and you made him watch He-Man and She-Ra?" John asked Lorne. "At the end of which he wanted to know why they didn't kill Skeletor?"

"Pretty much." Lorne shrugged.

"Well you made two mistakes. One you should have made him watch the whole series first and second you showed him a film with She-Ra."

"There is nothing wrong with She-Ra." Jennifer said. Ignoring her John went on.

"That said, I kind of like the idea, so tonight we will have a Christmas movie marathon."

"Die Hard is not a Christmas movie." McKay immediately said.

"Technically it is." John argued.

"Die Hard?" Ronon asked sounding interested.

"We are not watching Die Hard." McKay said.

"Yes we are." John and Ronon said.

"What type of message are you trying to give Conan? Christmas is about shooting people?"

"You can choose the second film." John said appeasing the physicist. "Meet in my quarters in fifteen minutes."

-00-

"So why did you ask Lorne about Christmas?" Jennifer asked as she and Ronon carried the chocolate to Sheppard's quarters.

"I thought he'd help."

"Why not ask me?"

"Because you were busy and I wanted to know what to do."

"Do? You don't have to do anything." Jennifer said.

"Then why do people keep laughing at me?"

"Who's laughing at you?" Jennifer asked, worried by Ronon's sudden lack of self-confidence.

"Women."

"Women?" Jennifer asked, wondering who it was that was brave enough to laugh at Ronon.

"Yeah, like yesterday I was standing right there and these women walked past and pointed and whispered and laughed."

"You were standing right there?" Jennifer asked pointing.

"Yeah, I always stand there waiting for Sheppard. Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry. You see what is hanging above where you were standing?"

"The green plant?"

"Yeah, it's called mistletoe and there's a Christmas tradition associated with it."

"Sounds boring."

"You'll like this one." Jennifer said tugging him towards the plant. "If two people are under it they are meant to kiss."

"Kiss?" Ronon asked, warming up to mistletoe. Not waiting for her to answer he leaned down and passionately kissed her. As Jennifer wrapped her arms round Ronon the two lost themselves in the moment only to be temporarily brought back to the present when Jennifer felt someone tug the chocolate from her hand. The second she released the chocolate the distraction was gone and once again she and Ronon lost themselves in each other.

Down the corridor Lorne strode into John's quarters carrying popcorn and the chocolate.

"I thought the doc was bringing that." John commented, pointing to the chocolate.

"Yeah, she got distracted teaching Ronon a Christmas tradition." Lorne smiled. "They'll be in later."

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**A/N: **Thanks for reading. Have a good Christmas!


End file.
